So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
