I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
