The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
