I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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