Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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