My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
