There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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