i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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