Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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