It's like God shit irony all over that family
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
