Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
