The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
