You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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