Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
