i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
