so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
