I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
