Just fell off a train. Bad.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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