at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
