I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
