I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
