Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
