i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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