Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
