i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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