I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
