Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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