I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
