If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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