well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
