I met the friendliest cop last night
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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