It's Friday. Sex?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
