I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
