apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
