3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
