dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
