But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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