chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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