id be glad to
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
