What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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