And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
