my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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