things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
