she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
