Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize