This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
