Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
