I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
ttyl tear gas
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
