Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
