ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
