Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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