Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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