so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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