it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
