Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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