I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
