Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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