During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
