Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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