So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
