so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
