based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
