Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
