in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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