Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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