What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
