Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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