Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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